Name: Kelsey Miller
Best Known For: Big Girl: How I Gave Up Dieting And Got A Life (2016)
Education: Film & Television, Boston University
Employment: Senior Features Writer, Refinery29
Professional role models: David Sedaris & Tina Fey
How did spending years in therapy help you write a memoir?
The work I did (and still do) in therapy enabled me to grow up and live my life, without which there would be no memoir. I also never would have been able to write about my problems and difficulties without first sorting through them and working my ass off so that they weren’t the controlling force of my life. It’s a lot more complicated than this, but the short version is that I went into therapy feeling like one big problem — I was composed of trauma and disorder and dysfunctional experiences. Therapy doesn’t erase those things but it helped me realize that I’m not simply the sum total of my [problems]. Those things are in me and a part of me, but I don’t have to sit around and wait to be fixed and perfect in order to move forward with my life. I always thought you had to be All Better with a capital B in order to write a reflective memoir. Nope. You just get on with your life and your goals, issues or not.
Do you think your theatre training has helped you become a better storyteller?
Man, I sure hope so. I’d like to think my parents’ investment in a decade’s worth of theatre training paid off somehow. I’d always enjoyed storytelling and have huge admiration for good storytellers. (My mom and dad are both incredibly funny and I used to wish I could crack up a dinner table the way they could.) I haven’t done theatre in ages, but there are certain lessons that will always be with me: finding your intention in a scene, showing and not telling, etc. Those are all good instincts for writers as well.
Photo Source: Refinery29
As someone who joined Weight Watchers during grade eight, what would you say to young girls who want to lose weight?
This is a tough one because when I was that age, no one could have talked me out of dieting. No one could have convinced me that my body was okay just as it was. But, looking back, I do wish someone had said that to me anyway — over and over again. We’re bombarded with the opposite message constantly, so it would take an equally consistent defence to make any impact. If I could, I’d assign each adolescent girl a cool, older friend just to walk around with her and say, “You’re great. Your body’s great. Ignore this bullshit and stick with me.”
Many employees eat a ‘sad desk lunch’, but you firmly believe in eating away from your desk. What are the benefits of taking a break from Twitter to focus on mindful eating?
And by “firmly believe” I mean “try really hard to accomplish but don’t always succeed.” It’s incredibly difficult to wrench myself away from the computer (or any distraction) during a meal. But when I do, it’s an entirely different experience — because I do experience.
There’s a huge difference between eating a sandwich and shoving a sandwich into my face as fast as I can while clicking through my inbox. Eating without distraction means I taste and feel my food actually doing its job: fueling and satisfying me. When I began doing that, everything changed. I discovered that I really didn’t [like] certain foods I’d been eating for years, and vice versa. I discovered how different my body (and my brain) felt when I ate, say, a protein-rich breakfast versus cereal. When you’re dieting, you’re just supposed to do what someone else tells you to do, and ignore your own instincts and experience (because they must be wrong and bad, you fatty!). Mindful eating is the opposite. It’s strange and weird and absolutely wonderful.
When you started focusing on intuitive eating, you were ashamed of your body and wanted to hide. In the book, you recall, “I was still the woman who avoided whole city blocks so as to not walk past reflective glass.” How do you feel about posing for pictures now?
Totally depends on the day and the situation. I still have not-so-great self-esteem days, but I now know that doesn’t make me damaged. That’s just the deal with being a human. But if I’m working with people I know and trust then I have a blast doing photo shoots. It’s fun and silly and it forces me to just not take myself so seriously. It also forces me to look at pictures of myself, which has never been easy for me. So, whenever I have my picture taken, I try to see it as an opportunity to exercise my self-acceptance.
After having an epiphany in the Hamptons, you immediately pitched The Anti-Diet Project to Refinery29’s editor in chief from your phone. What tips can you share for proposing a new idea to your supervisor?
I think the primary thing in creating a successful story, column, or project is that you care fervently about it. That’ll get you far. But you also have to figure out why other people should. Looking back, I probably should have honed my pitch a little more before sending that email. I got lucky. I would say write it all down, plan it all out, then go back and clean it up, punching up the most important points. And always, always, be ready to take notes. When it comes to these things, you have to find the line between sticking to your guns and listening to those who may know better. It’s not easy, but if you can find that balance, you’re golden.
What lessons have you learned about trolls by launching The Anti-Diet Project? What can journalists learn from your experience?
Set your own boundaries early on. There are certain criticisms that are worth listening and responding to. Others, I just don’t engage with anymore. Trolls can be seductive in their meanness, at least for me. It’s like reading tabloid garbage that you just can’t look away from. But I reached a point where I just didn’t have time for wallowing around in that utterly pointless junk. That’s not to say you shouldn’t push back sometimes. If someone is being abusive to you or other commenters, shut that shit down. That may mean calling them out publicly or having them banned from whatever forum they’re in. But whatever you do, don’t draw it out. Shut it down and walk away.
Can you please tell us about a childhood memory that was not included in the book?
There was a whole chapter I wound up cutting, which went more into the details of my relationship with fitness. I recalled going to gymnastics camp…and injuring my back really early on. There was another kid there, a boy, who was a skateboarder (the camp also trained skateboarders for some reason), who also got injured. We used to spend mornings icing our respective injuries while lying on tables in the physical therapy office. I would secretly stare at him the whole time, falling deeper and deeper into my crush. It was one of the skinniest times of my life and I felt allowed to have a crush on a cute guy, all of [a] sudden. One morning, he finally turned his head and kind of appraised me, looking me up and down in an approving manner. As an adult woman, I want to give that kid a talking to, but at the time, it was one of the most romantic moments of my entire adolescence. And I was lying under a bag of ice.
